What is resentment telling you? Life is filled with lessons. Lessons are all around us.
I have talked in the past about paying attention to what your feelings are telling you. Listen to your feelings and try to discover if there is a lesson to learn.
Have You Been Paying Attention?
Anxiety is trying to tell you something is out of balance. Fear is telling you what you really care about. And so on.
A feeling recognized by many I work with is resentment. Usually accompanied by feelings of exhaustion and over-extension.
The resentment comes after a period of feeling like he/she has been giving, giving, giving. Saying “yes” out of obligation and not seeing “no” as an option because it is uncomfortable/rude.
My challenge is to help them receive and to learn that “no” is not a bad thing.
So often the resentment comes when one feels they are lopsidedly giving. Whether this is true or perceived, we want to look closer at one’s thoughts around this.
Our Belief Systems
A deep dive often reveals that it isn’t that people aren’t trying to give to that person, but rather it is difficult for him/her to receive.
“Just receiving” it is not always as easy as it sounds. Our belief systems can paralyze us from receiving. Whether it is the belief that “you don’t deserve to get” or “you give with no expectation” or “I shouldn’t need to receive anything in return” or “I don’t need anything from anyone”.
But what if, instead of letting resentment burn an ulcer in your gut, you invite resentment to be your friend? What if this painful feeling is simply your cue that you’re giving too much, letting others violate your boundaries, and not asking for what you need?
You Need Balance
The reality is you need balance- you need to give, but also receive. And receiving takes practice. You cannot give what you yourself don’t have (the oxygen mask metaphor is a perfect example).
If you give without receiving you will become exhausted and resentful. Even the best “givers” need to be cared for as well.
Are you feeling resentful or exhausted? Resentment begets nothing but more and more resentment . . . and anger and frustration and misplaced judgment and hurt feelings and a whole lot of made-up stories.
Could it be because you are giving all your energy and not refilling your energy reserve?
All the energy needed to fuel resentment depletes your creative flow, drains your productivity, halts your personal growth, and closes your heart.
It does not have to be that way. Resentment is your signal to turn the finger back on yourself and do what you must to get your needs met?
What if these resentful, exhausted feelings are a gift asking you to pause, reflect, and check to see what needs to change. This way you can authentically shift from resentment to gratitude.
Need a little help taking the first steps? Not sure how to prevent and heal the resentment? Let’s Talk!
Until next time,