Many of you probably have had this same experience, where you start to recognize all the life lessons that your parents taught you throughout your childhood (and as adults).
Those life lessons that at the time you poo-pooed, but now you can reflect on just how wise they were. I had one of those moments just recently.
I have built a business around finding those things that make YOU happy, fill YOU up; whether it’s activities, hobbies, people, jobs, etc. Yet I have not given credit where credit is due.
The one person who was instrumental in encouraging me to do just that is my mom.
My mom used to always say, “Make sure you find a hobby(es) that you enjoy doing. Don’t make your husband’s hobbies yours or expect your husband to do it for you.” To be honest, I always saw this as her way of complaining about my dad and all his hobbies. Her being left to take care of my brother and I. But I need to give her more credit than that.
While yes, she typically said this when my dad was off playing softball or out with his buddies. I realize now that it was her reflecting what she had wanted for herself. To her credit, she was raised in a period where all women were funneled down a certain path.
What she was experiencing, when she would say this to me, was how this belief system did not agree with her. Yet, she still struggled to explore what she enjoyed, what would make her happy. Up to that point, she had relied too much on my father to bring her happiness.
Life Lessons that your Parents Taught you Throughout your Childhood
What she was doing back then was giving me permission and encouragement to explore. To think beyond the deep love that comes with marriage (while amazing) and to put me first.
While many will say, “that’s selfish.” I believe that if you can’t love yourself (or even like yourself) no person, place, or thing will ever be able to fill that void.
My mom was making sure I took care of myself and my desires first. Or at least in addition to others. If it hadn’t been for those words, that value system, I am not sure how easy it would have been to leave the work I was doing to explore new territory.
While these beliefs and values were never a conscious thought, they were subconsciously steering me.
Permission to be Happy
Today, I think about the many clients I work with that struggle to leave a job, a consistent paycheck, and/or status. They are willing to abandon their happiness for a value that might have been instilled in them from a young age. Whether it was,
“You need to be in a certain profession or get a certain type of job,” or maybe the idea that “winners never quit.” Or it could have been, “It’s not the responsible thing to do.” Whatever it is, to this day it still impacts their ability to permit themselves to be happy.
Without a doubt, I knew I wasn’t completely happy in my previous work and had to change that trajectory.
While there were many other people along the way that supported and encouraged me, I can say it was those words as a young kid that gave me the kahunas to shift gears at 37 years old. THANK YOU MOM, you laid the foundation!
Sound familiar? Want to explore what you enjoy? Want to discover what makes you happy? Wanting to change your trajectory? Give yourself permission, let’s chat!